i really think that as humans... we have a connection to each other that spans across oceans and continents. i was having a pretty normal day today... joking around, making sarcastic comments with the other classmates in my lab, complaining about how i was running yet another gel in the early evening... pretty much being the obnoxious person that i am. a couple hours ago... i was struck with the feeling that i needed some new music... something new that i didn't have... something that captured my mood at the moment.... something was a little off... and i felt it. i can say that music is really important in my life... i think that everything that happens in life can have a soundtrack matched with it. music helps me connect with what i'm feeling on a level that nothing else can quite do. i could only describe what i was looking for as kinda melancholy and bittersweet... but low key like massive attack... but not quite massive attack. anyways... i just found out the my grandfather passed away this morning in taiwan (well tomorrow morning actually cause they're 12 hours ahead, and it's night here as i write this).
so as i reflect... i'm really sad that i didn't spend more time last year in keelung where my grandparents live, was only there for a couple hours. i'm sad that i missed him this year... i would've been in taiwan in 3 weeks. i'm sad that i didn't really know him that well since i didn't make many trips to taiwan after elementary school, and my grandparents never made it to the US... i know that he loved me though from my memories of visiting when i was younger. to this day what struck me about him was that he was very gentle and acted very much like a grandfather. while my grandmother would have that annoyed tone in her voice sometimes (you know that tone that all mothers seem to develop after they have children), my grandfather was always kinda calm and laid back about things. he had a grandfatherly tone. i used to love seafood a lot... and taiwan's all about the seafood. so when i went to visit... we'd always have lots of clams and he'd make sure my plate was never empty. he liked toothpicks a lot... he'd always have one in his mouth... he also liked to eat honeydew. i'm sure he imparted some wisdom and it's stuck somewhere in my head... maybe more random stuff that isn't really important important... but just interesting knowledge more than anything else, though i can't really recall. i guess that's what makes me sad the most... that i can't remember those few moments that i had with him.
you know... i've been on both ends this past year. my dad's mom who i know pretty well... someone i grew up with... she passed away in november. then my mom's dad... who i didn't know that well just passed away... and in both cases... it's still sad. as i've grown up... a lot more of my focus has been put on myself.. college, career, grad school, friends, relationships, more school, i just wished i had a little more time to get to know the members of my own family better. in the end... it's just missed opportunity. it makes me think that being scared to do something isn't worth it... life is short and uncertain... if there's something out there that you should or want to do... skydiving, going back to school, taking a trip, visiting your extended family, asking that cute girl/boy out carpe diem cause tomorrow may not come.