So I was walking home tonight, and I saw a guy in an SUV driving with his beagle in his lap, but the beagle was wrapped behind the seatbelt with its owner. And rather than thinking, "aw, cute," or "the guy doesn't want his dog to fly into the windshield if there should be an accident," all I could really think about was how the force of a crash would crush that poor dog between the strap of the seatbelt and the ribcage of the driver... that the seatbelt would probably hurt the dog more than if he was hanging out on the floor of the car, or something. Anyway, he drove off before I could have an in depth discussion with him about his practices.
Somebody was talking about hair, and how it sprouts in all kinds of utterly useless places as a man ages. Well I've got a bone to pick on this issue, because even as I grow more hair on my body, I'm losing it on my head. It's like my head is a jug full of hair juice, but there's a leak. So the top of my head gets less and less of the hair juice, which ends up trickling down the back of my neck and shoulders and back. WTF? That's seriously lame. I'd really like to know where I can lodge a complaint regarding this issue.
Dear Sir or Madam or Asexual Entity,I am shocked, appalled, and dismayed by the rapid and unnecessary growth of hair in parts of the body that do not require it, certainly not in the thickness and length present in this case. Having been a long-time customer, I would appreciate a swift resolution to the matter. If this is not possible, I would at least like backed-up assurances that such a mistake will not recur.
Sincerely,
Cousin It
I bet I won't even get an answer. Bastards.
On the bright side, I think I can rock the bald look. I won't shave my whole head, though. Billy Connolly calls that the comb over of the new millennium. Most people can't rock it and look much worse when trying to fool people into thinking that they're badasses or something. A select few, however, look rather handsome with a shaved head. I guess the trick is to be cognizant of which impression you truly make.
I heard about a guy who had shaved his head for years because he thought it looked cool, and when he stopped he noticed that his wasn't growing back in the way it used to anymore. He'd started going bald, but never noticed because he was always shaving. That's gotta suck to get hit with that all at once. It's been very gradual in my case, so I'm at peace with it. At some point I'll have to start wearing hats or sunscreen.